so its nearly Wednesday

and on the 4th of march i have my interview for Animation at ulster uni.

and i know that there are 1,025,109 words in the English language but no matter how i excel at speaking and writing i will never be able to string any of those words together to describe the panic i feel at the aforementioned fact 

no matter how much i tell myself i'll be ok and its not the end of the world if i dont get in i cant get that niggling little doubt to vacate the back of my mind.
it sits there constatly shouting " you'll screw up!" " what are you gunna do when you fail?!!? huh ? huh?!"


and its really  wearing me down. 

but i need to work on my stuff for art college but im so tired from worrying that i just cant bring myself to focus and work.
it took me like 4 hours or more today to write 1000 words for my research. 
i kept taking breaks to look at pictures or watch kuroshitsuji book of circus
and what annoyed me most about that was that i kept rationalizing it because yana toboso was one of the artists i was researching 
BUT ITS NOT JUSTIFIABLE. IVE JUST WASTED VALUABLE TIME THAT I SHOULD BE DOING WORK WITH.
and now its 630 and im having dinner and not wanting to work anymore. 
i get a 4 day weekend and i only worked a little today.

when im anxious i dont want to work because i cant concentrate but when im not working i get more anxious because i know i should be working.

im going to go do some rigging to calm myself down a little.
so far ive done xemnas, xigbar and xaldin's hooded forms 
ill maybe post them on wed after the interview.


and 's birthday was today but i just cant focus on being creative right now. i promise ill do something for you later